A Morning Over Pancakes, Flowers and a Lap Full of Toddlers

As I sit here at my desk with the early morning sun on my face, warm coffee and eggs + strawberries steaming hot; my two year old helping himself to my our breakfast, while Aslynn lay curled up in my lap trying to wake, I seen a tiny window to jot a few thoughts down before the day unfolds it's heaping to do lists. 

Pancakes are on the table for the boys adorned by all of the beautiful flowers that my seven year old picked for me yesterday. If there is one thing Asher loves most that I am sure about, it is seeing my reaction to his next find. 

His heart so soft and selfless, encourages me to want to strive for such a kindness.

Something else I am feeling quite anxious for: time.

Each day is fleeting more so than the one before and the hours just wisp on by. I lay my head down at night and I am still trying to catch my breath. My anxiousness is a sure sign for me to start slowing down and manage my time a little better.

I want to be able to read more than one book with my little ones. I want to be able to help Noah with a math problem, and enjoy a day at the creek without being burdened about what I didn't finish at home. I want to be able to sit and have a full conversation with my husband without my mind wandering. I want to be a part of our church more, and put more time into the friendships I have and cherish.

The Photography business has much to do with the consumption of time as I took on without realizing, 7 weddings this Spring and nearly two session a week every week!

Seven is a bit too much and has drawn me to my computer all of hours of the day.

I have been forcing myself to step away and take mini breaths, enjoy small moments with my kiddos, cuddle, make dinner, sweep the floor, swim.

However, after finishing wedding number five, I have come to the harsh conclusion that my sacrifice is going to have to come from taking pictures. 

I love capturing beautiful images for people, but I don't want this precious season of life to skim away while I am editing picture after picture.

I want to be a part of every milestone, every achievement, accomplishment, new discovery and the list is infinite!

My children will be adults before I have time to really blink an eye, and how regretful I know I will be, if I didn't take the time to really relish in their littleness, their innocence, their childhood.

I won't be able to photograph maybe two weddings a year and two sessions a month.

I think that is the minimization that I desperately need to feel congruent with my family. 

I have made so many wonderful friendships through this small business of mine, and I hope to be able to still photograph most of the families I have had an acquaintance with! But I only get one shot at this whole mothering jig, and I want to savor in the sweetness of it all. Being a mother is the greatest blessing, how sheepish to think I missed out on the most imperative highlights of their childhood.